Watching the Back Trail By Andrew Knez Jnr.
THE THIRTEENTH REMOVE
Instead of going toward the Bay, which was
that I desired, I must go with them five or six miles down the river into a
mighty thicket of brush; where we abode almost a fortnight. Here one asked me
to make a shirt for her papoose, for which she gave me a mess of broth, which
was thickened with meal made of the bark of a tree, and to make it the better,
she had put into it about a handful of peas, and a few roasted ground nuts. I
had not seen my son a pretty while, and here was an Indian of whom I made
inquiry after him, and asked him when he saw him. He answered me that such a
time his master roasted him, and that himself did eat a piece of him, as big as
his two fingers, and that he was very good meat. But the Lord upheld my Spirit,
under this discouragement; and I considered their horrible addictedness to
lying, and that there is not one of them that makes the least conscience of
speaking of truth. In this place, on a cold night, as I lay by the fire, I
removed a stick that kept the heat from me. A squaw moved it down again, at
which I looked up, and she threw a handful of ashes in mine eyes. I thought I
should have been quite blinded, and have never seen more, but lying down, the
water run out of my eyes, and carried the dirt with it, that by the morning I
recovered my sight again. Yet upon this, and the like occasions, I hope it is
not too much to say with Job, "Have pity upon me, O ye my Friends, for the
Hand of the Lord has touched me." And here I cannot but remember how many
times sitting in their wigwams, and musing on things past, I should suddenly
leap up and run out, as if I had been at home, forgetting where I was, and what
my condition was; but when I was without, and saw nothing but wilderness, and
woods, and a company of barbarous heathens, my mind quickly returned to me,
which made me think of that, spoken concerning Sampson, who said, "I will
go out and shake myself as at other times, but he wist not that the Lord was
departed from him." About this time I began to think that all my hopes of
restoration would come to nothing. I thought of the English army, and hoped for
their coming, and being taken by them, but that failed. I hoped to be carried
to Albany, as the Indians had discoursed before, but that failed also. I
thought of being sold to my husband, as my master spake, but instead of that,
my master himself was gone, and I left behind, so that my spirit was now quite
ready to sink. I asked them to let me go out and pick up some sticks, that I
might get alone, and pour out my heart unto the Lord. Then also I took my Bible
to read, but I found no comfort here neither, which many times I was wont to
find. So easy a thing it is with God to dry up the streams of Scripture comfort
from us. Yet I can say, that in all my sorrows and afflictions, God did not
leave me to have my impatience work towards Himself, as if His ways were
unrighteous. But I knew that He laid upon me less than I deserved. Afterward,
before this doleful time ended with me, I was turning the leaves of my Bible, and
the Lord brought to me some Scriptures, which did a little revive me, as that
[in] Isaiah 55.8: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your
ways my ways, saith the Lord." And also that [in] Psalm 37.5: "Commit
thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."
About this time they came yelping from Hadley, where they had killed three
Englishmen, and brought one captive with them, viz. Thomas Read. They all
gathered about the poor man, asking him many questions. I desired also to go
and see him; and when I came, he was crying bitterly, supposing they would
quickly kill him. Whereupon I asked one of them, whether they intended to kill
him; he answered me, they would not. He being a little cheered with that, I
asked him about the welfare of my husband. He told me he saw him such a time in
the Bay, and he was well, but very melancholy. By which I certainly understood
(though I suspected it before) that whatsoever the Indians told me respecting
him was vanity and lies. Some of them told me he was dead, and they had killed
him; some said he was married again, and that the Governor wished him to marry;
and told him he should have his choice, and that all persuaded I was dead. So
like were these barbarous creatures to him who was a liar from the beginning.
As I was sitting once in the wigwam here,
Philip's maid came in with the child in her arms, and asked me to give her a
piece of my apron, to make a flap for it. I told her I would not. Then my
mistress bade me give it, but still I said no. The maid told me if I would not
give her a piece, she would tear a piece off it. I told her I would tear her
coat then. With that my mistress rises up, and take up a stick big enough to
have killed me, and struck at me with it. But I stepped out, and she struck the
stick into the mat of the wigwam. But while she was pulling of it out I ran to
the maid and gave her all my apron, and so that storm went over.
Hearing that my son was come to this
place, I went to see him, and told him his father was well, but melancholy. He
told me he was as much grieved for his father as for himself. I wondered at his
speech, for I thought I had enough upon my spirit in reference to myself, to
make me mindless of my husband and everyone else; they being safe among their
friends. He told me also, that awhile before, his master (together with other
Indians) were going to the French for powder; but by the way the Mohawks met
with them, and killed four of their company, which made the rest turn back
again, for it might have been worse with him, had he been sold to the French,
than it proved to be in his remaining with the Indians.
I went to see an English youth in this
place, one John Gilbert of Springfield. I found him lying without doors, upon
the ground. I asked him how he did? He told me he was very sick of a flux, with
eating so much blood. They had turned him out of the wigwam, and with him an
Indian papoose, almost dead (whose parents had been killed), in a bitter cold
day, without fire or clothes. The young man himself had nothing on but his
shirt and waistcoat. This sight was enough to melt a heart of flint. There they
lay quivering in the cold, the youth round like a dog, the papoose stretched
out with his eyes and nose and mouth full of dirt, and yet alive, and groaning.
I advised John to go and get to some fire. He told me he could not stand, but I
persuaded him still, lest he should lie there and die. And with much ado I got
him to a fire, and went myself home. As soon as I was got home his master's
daughter came after me, to know what I had done with the Englishman. I told her
I had got him to a fire in such a place. Now had I need to pray Paul's Prayer
"That we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men" (2
Thessalonians 3.2). For her satisfaction I went along with her, and brought her
to him; but before I got home again it was noised about that I was running away
and getting the English youth, along with me; that as soon as I came in they
began to rant and domineer, asking me where I had been, and what I had been
doing? and saying they would knock him on the head. I told them I had been
seeing the English youth, and that I would not run away. They told me I lied,
and taking up a hatchet, they came to me, and said they would knock me down if
I stirred out again, and so confined me to the wigwam. Now may I say with
David, "I am in a great strait" (2 Samuel 24.14). If I keep in, I
must die with hunger, and if I go out, I must be knocked in head. This
distressed condition held that day, and half the next. And then the Lord
remembered me, whose mercies are great. Then came an Indian to me with a pair
of stockings that were too big for him, and he would have me ravel them out,
and knit them fit for him. I showed myself willing, and bid him ask my mistress
if I might go along with him a little way; she said yes, I might, but I was not
a little refreshed with that news, that I had my liberty again. Then I went
along with him, and he gave me some roasted ground nuts, which did again revive
my feeble stomach.
Being got out of her sight, I had time and
liberty again to look into my Bible; which was my guide by day, and my pillow
by night. Now that comfortable Scripture presented itself to me, "For a
small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee"
(Isaiah 54.7). Thus the Lord carried me along from one time to another, and
made good to me this precious promise, and many others. Then my son came to see
me, and I asked his master to let him stay awhile with me, that I might comb
his head, and look over him, for he was almost overcome with lice. He told me,
when I had done, that he was very hungry, but I had nothing to relieve him, but
bid him go into the wigwams as he went along, and see if he could get any thing
among them. Which he did, and it seems tarried a little too long; for his
master was angry with him, and beat him, and then sold him. Then he came
running to tell me he had a new master, and that he had given him some ground
nuts already. Then I went along with him to his new master who told me he loved
him, and he should not want. So his master carried him away, and I never saw
him afterward, till I saw him at Piscataqua in Portsmouth.
That night they bade me go out of the
wigwam again. My mistress's papoose was sick, and it died that night, and there
was one benefit in it—that there was more room. I went to a wigwam, and they
bade me come in, and gave me a skin to lie upon, and a mess of venison and
ground nuts, which was a choice dish among them. On the morrow they buried the
papoose, and afterward, both morning and evening, there came a company to mourn
and howl with her; though I confess I could not much condole with them. Many
sorrowful days I had in this place, often getting alone. "Like a crane, or
a swallow, so did I chatter; I did mourn as a dove, mine eyes ail with looking
upward. Oh, Lord, I am oppressed; undertake for me" (Isaiah 38.14). I
could tell the Lord, as Hezekiah, "Remember now O Lord, I beseech thee,
how I have walked before thee in truth." Now had I time to examine all my
ways: my conscience did not accuse me of unrighteousness toward one or other;
yet I saw how in my walk with God, I had been a careless creature. As David
said, "Against thee, thee only have I sinned": and I might say with
the poor publican, "God be merciful unto me a sinner." On the Sabbath
days, I could look upon the sun and think how people were going to the house of
God, to have their souls refreshed; and then home, and their bodies also; but I
was destitute of both; and might say as the poor prodigal, "He would fain
have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat, and no man gave
unto him" (Luke 15.16). For I must say with him, "Father, I have
sinned against Heaven and in thy sight." I remembered how on the night
before and after the Sabbath, when my family was about me, and relations and
neighbors with us, we could pray and sing, and then refresh our bodies with the
good creatures of God; and then have a comfortable bed to lie down on; but
instead of all this, I had only a little swill for the body and then, like a
swine, must lie down on the ground. I cannot express to man the sorrow that lay
upon my spirit; the Lord knows it. Yet that comfortable Scripture would often
come to mind, "For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies
will I gather thee."
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